Sunday, January 1, 2012

# family # life

Good Morning 2012

Hello 2012 and all my incredibly wonderful readers out there! I've been pondering this post all day and what I wanted to say in it. What did I want to say to all of you about 2011? In the end, I decided I didn't want to say much. 2011 was a year of ups and downs and a lot of chaos and anxiety. It brought the failing health of my grandmother and right at the end of the year, surgery for my oldest son. Instead of looking back at the pain, I want to look forward. Hope is an amazing thing and it's something I'm grasping tight to as I look forward to the coming year.

After all, knowing where you came from is one thing but knowing where you're going is an entirely different creature. But, before I get into all of that, I want to share with you a toast that was posted today by Raven on his Facebook page. I could have said this but why re-invent the wheel when someone so darn fantastic already did it for you? So...I offer you Raven's Toast to 2012:

"So rather than recap the positive or the negative and all the things inbetween let's all raise our methaphorical glasses in the air and toast across the fiberoptic internet that binds us all and toast to YOU. Yes, you. You are what makes the world what it is. You who strive through the horror and the pain of breathing another day. You who never give up. You who believes in better things and lives another day to see them come to pass. You who are kind when kindness is becoming a rare and extinct thing. You who believe in love even after your heart has been broken and destroyed. You who are happy and spread joy and a symathetic heart to others. And you, for being there when others need you. There is none other like you and I am so happy that you are here to share this beautiful new year with me."

I honestly couldn't have said it better myself and sometimes, even I consider myself fairly gifted with words. Now, on to 2012:

If any of you remember, last year was supposed to be about simplifying my life. I started out the year with a bang and then chaos happened and woah, did I drop the ball! This year, I try again. I try again for me. I try again for my family. I try again because I deserve better than I've allowed myself to have up to this point.

You see, somewhere along the way, I decided that I didn't deserve to have nice things. I didn't deserve to have the kind of friends who would do anything for you. I didn't deserve to have nice furniture or even a clean and organized house. Those of you who really know me have to be shaking your head at the last one. I'm the girl that other people call to come over because they know I'll jump into any organization project with a gleeful smile and more excitement than anyone should ever have. So, why have I not given myself that same gift within my own home?

I don't honestly know. Even to me, the girl with the Psych degree, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I can explain the packrat/border line hoarding. I can explain a lot of things, but this total insanity of I don't deserve the nice things other have? Nope..don't get it. Ok, I do get it. For a very long time, I felt really bad about me. Not just for me, but about me. I thought I'd gotten past most of that but every once in a while I have a lightbulb moment where I go ding ding ding (ever hear a light bulb with a bicycle bell? me either..but roll with it, ok?) and realize that woah, I'm having a majorly insecure moment or woah, I guess I'm not as past all that as I thought. This has been one of those times.

So, I'm repeating last year's goal and that's ok. I don't look at it as any kind of failure. I look at it as life got the hell in the way and sometimes that's what happens. Life happens. I didn't do the best I could with it, but I did the best I did and it's a new year and a new chance to make it happen. Over the next week, I'm going to try to make a plan...a simple plan. Nothing complex. Just simple. One day at a time, one project at a time and sometimes, one schedule at a time, I'm going to size down our home. I'm going to get the organization projects tackled. I'm going to do the gross jobs and the fun jobs and teach my boys that it can be done.

Sometimes life knocks you down but what happens afterward is what matters. You do what you have to do and what I have to do is start feeling more in control of things. I've been letting things spiral and it's not healthy for any of us. So, consider me back as much as I can be back. I'm hoping to pick up some of our daily themes. We might not get them every week, but I'm going to try to be here a bit every week. Hopefully it's as good for you as it is for me. Before I head out though, I want to leave you with 2 quotes...

"Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious and adding the meaningful." - John Meade

That's just what I want to do. I want to subtract the obvious..seriously the books we never even look at and add in the meaningful. I close my eyes and see a home filled with warmth and love and the space we need to be able to do things as a family. To get that, I need to subtract so I can add in those things.

And finally...


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Justin said...

This is quite self reflective and profound. I know you struggle with getting organized sometimes and with getting rolling sometimes, but I also know when you get rolling, you're like one of those big mining trucks that squishes everything in the way! I will give you as much help as you can stand in getting things moving again. I know you can do it. I have endless faith in you. And yes I think maybe I have had a bike bell lightbulb before. They're really all the rage. I think everyone will have one soon.

And I'm glad to have you back, awesome person, you. :)

Make It Happen Mama said...

I can relate to this feeling. Somehow, it feels easier to take care of other people and their things than taking care of myself. Keep me posted if your figure out the secret, k? Best wishes starting the new year taking care of you!

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