Thursday, January 29, 2009

Friends and Fear

12:22 PM 1 Comments
I had something happen to me yesterday/today on a group that I belong to. I posted something as a joke..just a how come you guys don't ooh and ahh over pics and stuff of my kids like you do the others..and got told I'm being too sensitive. Ok, it totally wasn't meant like that and their response made me cry..but in that, I guess it was time to do some thinking.

Am I sensitive? Yeah..super sensitive. I've been hurt so many times in my life that it's made me scared. I'm terrified of opening myself up to these women because it would be so easy for them to hurt me, sometimes they already do without even knowing it. I don't want them to know that sometimes they make me cry because if they knew, it would give them power over me.

A little while back, I basically disappeared from the group and only one person got in touch with me to make sure I was ok. When I apologized to the group, they all pretty much said no big deal, which to me said they didn't really care if I was there or not. That might not be the case, but that's how it felt. I've been back with this group of women for a year or so now and I still feel like an outsider.

I promised myself that this year was going to be about trying to nurture friendships and to actually have some real friends, but the truth is that I'm afraid. Every time I start to open up to these women, some comment is made and I get hurt and close right back up. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm so afraid that if I let these women know the truth about me, that instead of accepting me like they have one another, they'll tell me I'm too sensitive and reject me.

I don't have many friends..maybe only 3. One of them I haven't heard much from lately and honestly, part of me is scared that she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I know how wonderful she is and how people seem to just adore her. Honestly, I'm pretty surprised that she's my friend at all.

Anyway, that's enough of me crying here. Life must go on and I have a cheesecake to go buy for class.


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Happy Birthday, Roger!

1:03 AM 2 Comments
Mom, I'm going to eat this frosting.

Happy Birthday, to my baby! It's hard to believe that 8 years ago today, I was in the hospital being induced for this guy. After dilating, going backwards and getting there again and a mere 20 minutes of pushing (yes, you can be envious but after the pregnancies "easy deliveries" are good), Pirate Roger came into the world. Most kids come out crying. According to my Doctor, Roger sounded like a pirate. My 9lb 9.5oz 38 weeker is 8 years old now. 8 years old, 2nd, they grow up so fast! Mommy misses you buddy, but I sure hope you and your brother like your present when it gets there.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Super Sunday Challenge

3:08 PM 2 Comments
Yes, yes, I am finally back! I know it's been ages, but I was out of town for a good chunk of that. I spent a pretty nice three weeks in Michigan with my family. It was so wonderful to have my boys with me again and to play Aunt Trina to 4 really great kids. After that, I had a fantabulous time in Milwaukee with one of my favorite yay me friends, Jim. We hung out, did some shopping, caught up on Season 1 of Survivor (we're working our way through the series together -- note to the movie fairy, we need Season 2!), ate soo much yummy food (we're really good at that!) and went to see Happy Days - the Musical.

From there, I kinda crashed. I admit it. I had a few things happen and it dropped me down. I'm better now though and I decided it was time to get back to our Sunday challenges. Are any of you still out there and wanting to do these? I hope so. I much prefer to do them with friends.

So...what's the challenge this week? Bathrooms!

As some of you know, I'm planning on moving back to Michigan once I graduate in May and as part of that process, I'm clearing stuff out so that I don't have to pack it. So, this week's challenge is to go into your bathroom and open up those drawers and cupboards and cabinets. Once you've done that, go through and get rid of anything expired (please make sure you check online to find the best way to dispose of chemicals and medicines). Then, go through the rest of it and sort it into keep and get rid of piles. If the stuff in the get rid of pile is worth it, list it on freecycle ( for those of you who have forgotten). If it's not, dump it into the trash. Now, take what you're keeping and put it away all neat and tidy like.

There you go! By the end of the week, your bathrooms should be nice and tidy. I'd love to see before/after pics! Make sure you leave a comment letting me know how you do!


Saturday, January 17, 2009

In Memory - Austin Michael Roets (1/18/1999)

10:37 PM 0 Comments

A Part Of Me

As I sit and remember
When you were still a part of me
I try to forget...
Your life was never meant to be.
You were given a life, a soul, a name
But now things will never be the same.
You were mine to give life to
Though only for a while
Things had changed...
I will never see your smile.
Yet my love for you
Will never disappear
Though your voice, your laugh,
I will never get to hear.
You will always be my baby
Though I've never seen your face.
Not a thing in this world
Can ever take your place.

(c) Felicia Glik


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