Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Forever Endings

5:45 PM 0 Comments
Smiling, he took her by the hand and led her back into the very room they had shared the night before. He had taken the time to place small candles and flowers all around. He led her to the bed and only left her for a moment while he closed the curtains and lit the candles. Then, taking her into his arms, he held her while he told her all the things that he knew she wanted to hear. He told her that he was a fool for ever letting her drive away. He told her that he had wanted to be with her for years. Caught up in his words, she missed the look in his eyes as he filled her head with words of love and longing.

She never spoke a word. She pressed against him, lost in her love for him.  She believed every word coming from those gorgeous lips. Now that he had confessed his love for her, all the pain was washed away and she gave herself to him completely. She poured herself into their kisses as he began nibbling on her lips. His hands glided over her body and she whimpered in delight. he urged her to close her eyes as he guided her back on the bed. He wanted her fully steeped in the feelings he was creating in her. She never noticed his one hand sliding under the pillow. She never saw what he had hidden under there. She only felt the searing pain as the scalpel drove deep into her chest.

It cut deep and it cut sure. Her eyes were open now in terror as he sliced through her delicate skin. With one hand, he muffled her screams. With the other, he wielded the blade as if it were a part of him. Quick and sure, it cut and in mere moments, her screams were reduced to silence as her body went into shock.

He smiled down into her eyes as he reached over and pulled a small cooler towards him. He has left it in plain sight knowing she would assume it held wine or some other delight to celebrate their love with. He chuckled to himself. "How foolish women are," he thought. Then, reaching in, he cut her still beating heart from the very chest that he has laid against the night before.  Gently, as if it were made of gold, he placed it inside the waiting cooler before turning again to the woman on the bed.

In some ways, this was his favorite part. he prided himself in his ability to set a scene. If she had noticed how he had changed the sheets to deep red, he would never know but he delighted now in how they looked against the pale white of her skin. Reaching down, he arranged them just so over her body.  If anyone came in, they would simply think she was peacefully sleeping. That was until they noticed the blood red rose that he had placed in her hands after closing lids over her big brown eyes.

Leaning over again, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Then, with one last check to be sure all was right, he gathered his things. At the door, he slipped the do not disturb tag over the knob and looked back one last time. He had never done that before but he had almost loved this one. Almost.

He tossed his gear into his car, texted someone to let them know the job was done and smiled at himself in the rear view mirror. Already, he has closed himself off from what he had just done and was mentally slipping into the role he would play onstage that night; that of a madman.

" I am but mad north-north-west:  when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw. " ~William Shakespeare
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Monday, April 17, 2006

Inner Turmoil

5:06 PM 0 Comments
She watched him across the table, wondering if he realized how his words affected her. As his friend, she smiled and nodded while the woman inside of her ached to show him just how much she understood. She had loved him for years. She loved him in a way that was as foreign as the language she longed to whisper in his ear. His eyes held her captive. It had always been the eyes. To just glance at him, he was just another good looking guy. That is unless you stared into those eyes. The eyes could hold you captive and tell you everything you needed to know. His eyes had a way of peeling back all of the layers and laying you open before you even realized it had happened. She didn’t look right at him as she spoke. Instead, she looked at the lettering on his hat. He wore it down low so it probably appeared as if she was looking directly at him. He knew how to read her as easily as the cookbook she had surprised him with the night before. She wasn’t ready though. She wasn’t ready to tell him.

Instead, she talked around it. She told him that she understood what he meant. She told him that as a woman who was interested in him, she hoped that he kept himself open to possibilities. He seemed startled when she mentioned his vulnerability. Yes, she knew him too. Time may have separated them for too long, but she still knew the man sitting in front of her. She knew the power he could wield and the vulnerable man that not many had taken the time to see. She also knew that if he asked her what she was thinking, she would be compelled to tell him.

He had that kind of power over her. She couldn’t keep anything from him if he asked. Briefly, she wondered if he’d noticed that the night before but she quickly pulled her mind back from thinking on that. She knew if she started thinking about the night before, it would read plainly on her face. She would spend hours later thinking about it but for now, she needed to stay focused on the man in front of her. The truth is, she didn’t know how she would respond if he asked her what she was thinking. What was in her wasn’t tangible. It wasn’t something easily put into words. If he had pressed her, the only words would have been let me love you. Let me love you for the time that we have. Let me show you what it is to be truly and deeply loved. Let me teach you how it is when someone else puts your needs above their own desires. Let me show you romance and passion. Let me be that girl, if only for a little while. He didn’t ask though and so she kept the words locked deep inside her.

Instead, she reached over, her fingers running over his hand as they sat and talked. The movement was naturally hers. She could no more stop herself from touching him than she could stop the time that was rapidly disappearing. He didn’t stop her. He had made no movement to touch her but he never stopped her from reaching out to touch him. Perhaps he knew that she needed that contact with him. Perhaps he just enjoyed the feeling of her soft skin against his. Perhaps it was both. She didn’t know but she was thankful that he allowed it to happen. He had always been her protector and even now, he instinctively took care of her. She knew that. There were some things that time just could not change and the connection that they shared was one of those. Coming together again had been like two pieces of a whole finding themselves again. They just fit.

Sighing inwardly, she again looked across the table to see him watching her. She often found him doing that and she wondered why. She often wondered what he was thinking when he would do that but when she asked, he always told her nothing. It confused her. How could someone stare at you so intently and yet not be thinking something? Perhaps he wasn’t staring at her but through her. That might explain it and yet, she never felt as if he wasn’t right there with her. In fact, when they were together, she often felt as if they were the only two people in the world. She watched him glance yet again at the time and inwardly she cringed. Their time together was always too short and yet this time, she somehow knew, without a doubt, that there would be a next time. Somehow, she would convince him to find more time for them to spend together. She had wanted to stay with him today, to just be a part of his every day world but he had told her that it just wasn’t possible. She understood but there was still that desire inside of her. She wanted to learn more about his world, about the sections that time and distance had kept from her.

Instead, she tucked her hand into his as they left the restaurant, smiling when he entwined his fingers with hers. It was those little movements that warned her heart that maybe he wasn’t adverse to possibilities. Then again, she thought to herself, maybe he holds hands with all of the women in his life. Again, a question she would be terrified to speak out loud. These were the things that were special to her and if she found out that they weren’t special to them, then it would hurt beyond words. So, she chose to believe that these were the moments that showed his love for her. She smiled and laughed with him as they walked to the car. She used her mouth to try to give him a taste of what was inside of her. If he felt it, she didn’t know but she had put it out into the universe for it to play with.

As he walked away, she slid into her car, never taking her eyes off of him until he moved out of sight. Inwardly, she wished for him to turn around just one more time so that she could see his face again. Outwardly, she shook her head, smiling as she realized that he had already put her into the box in his head and shut the lid. He had his phone out and was moving on with his day. She waited there, her head resting on the steering wheel as the gps booted and connected. She waited and watched for his car to drive away, a little stab of pain zipping through her as she watched him drive away without even glancing back to see if she’d gone.

Putting the car into gear, she waited until she knew he would be too far away for her to see. Then, wiping a single tear from her cheek, she pulled out onto the road and then onto the freeway that would take her home.
Flipping on the radio, she laughed at the song that came on. Hip to My Heart summed things up so well, she thought to herself as she sang along, making her way through traffic. Just as she made her way onto the next freeway, her phone buzzed. She almost missed it. She’d put the phone onto vibrate so it wouldn’t disrupt earlier and typical her, she had forgotten to switch it back to the obnoxious song it played when someone was calling her. Surprised, she glanced over at the display. With her mind on the weekend, she didn’t feel like talking to many people at that point. She was prepared to ignore the call and let her voicemail catch it. Instead, she flipped open her phone because this was a call that she had never expected.

It was him. She was almost afraid to press the answer button for fear something had happened to him. She had to know though so she pressed it. Relief poured through her as she heard his voice. He was ok. Shaking her head and laughing to herself, she nearly missed the next words out of his mouth. In fact, she actually asked him to repeat them. He wanted to know where she was and could she turn around and come back. He didn’t have to ask a third time. She took the next exit and turned around to go back to where he had left her. Pulling into the same spot she had vacated not 30 minutes before, she didn’t know what to expect. Why had he called her back here? Taking a deep breath, she looked up to see him standing on the sidewalk at the front of her van. Slowly, she opened the door and stepped out. She was afraid to look at him. Fear of the unknown and her own insecurities had wrapped themselves around her. She didn’t look up until she felt his finger on her chin, raising her eyes to look at him. Then, without a single word, he backed her up against the side of the van. He lowered his mouth to hers, taking it as if it already belonged to him. Whimpering, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back with everything that was inside of her. Slowly, reluctantly he broke the kiss and showed her the key to the hotel she had just checked out of. “Room 208, right?” he whispered in her ear as he took her hand. Nodding, she silently followed him across the parking lot and into the room.


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