I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Last year, I made it one of my goals to be more open and to take risks when it came to friendship. I'm not sure that I actually did that. Friendship seems to be hard for me. I'm great at random meetings. I can (and often do) talk to anyone about anything, anywhere. People seem to like me on first meetings. The problem is, that's where it ends and I'm not totally sure why.
An example -- Rob and Nickle from when I lived in Buffalo. I first met these two wonderful people at a dinner thing back about six months after I moved to Buffalo. I thought they were great from that first meeting. The thing is, other than bumping into them at different events, I never saw them again. Imagine my total surprise, 18 months later, when Rob told me that he was sorry I was moving back to Michigan and they'd miss me. What? Really? I guess I figured that since they never contacted me outside of the group we were all part of, they didn't care one way or the other about me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't blame them for this. It's more something I'm pondering. Why do I do great first meetings but they never go from there? Were Rob & Nickle waiting for me to make that next move while I was waiting for them? Is that what happens? Am I missing out on friendships because I'm not being assertive enough? Are people waiting on me as I'm waiting on them?
Justin and I were talking about this the other night. He's totally baffled by the fact that I don't have any friends that I can meet up for coffee or anything like that. He says that I have more friends than I probably realize, but none of them are local. He actually thinks that people hint around me that we ought to do something and I'm just totally missing the hints. I don't think that's what's happened but I'm not ruling anything out.
The truth is...I'm always amazed when people are nice to me. I know that's a bit ridiculous since I know I'm a smart, nice person but it's true. When Rob said we could stay at their place back at Halloween, I was really like wow...seriously? You wouldn't mind. When Janice & Susan from 5 Minutes For Mom stopped by the blog the other day, I was amazed that they would stop by my lowly little space on the web. When I see bloggers tweeting back and forth, I'm envious, but I never believe that these incredible women would want to be friends with me. I swear I treat them like celebrities...incredible, wonderful beings who have done just what I want to do but I could never ask their advice because why would they talk to me? Sheesh. Can we say insecure?
So, what do I do about it? I want friends. I want to be able to meet up for coffee or crafting or heck, just about anything. I'm looking forward to having the house totally put together because maybe then I can invite people in. The house isn't ready for that quite yet but progress is being made every day.
I guess the real question is...How do you make friends?