Tuesday, May 17, 2011

# james # life

Spring Renewal

This probably seems like the oddest picture ever for a post titled Spring Renewal, but I think this phrase a hundred times a day. Today, it's one that's firmly in my head and the reason that I'm here writing.

Spring is officially here, I think. It's mid-May, so I would hope so but the weather has been so odd this year that it's hard to tell. With Spring comes change. I'm seeing it all around me. The flowers are starting to bloom. So many of my friends are making their plans to go back to school in the Fall. Some are moving. Others are planning their weddings.

I am honestly happy for all of them. Yet, at the same time, it's hard for me. I feel stagnant. I envy them. The reality is that I can't go back to school right now. I applied, yes, but the way things are right now, I can't handle a Master's program. I'm disappointed but sometimes life just gets in the way of things. I'm adjusting to that idea.

Ok, do you all really want to know the real problem in my head right now? It's a man. Isn't it always a man? I know. I know. My Twitter hubby is nodding. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking it's such a female thing for me to say. It's true though. There are those of you who read here who know I've had guy trouble over the past few months. It sucked but I've come to a few realizations and stood up for myself and those guys are history. They're gone. Ok, they're not gone. I talk to them once a week. Heck, I saw one of them this past Sunday night when I got together with some friends. It wasn't planned that way. It just was.

Now, there's this guy. He's nice. He's funny. He's as juvenile as can be sometimes but I really like him. Oh not in the happily ever after sense. It's far too early to feel anything like that. I just like him. Dang, now I want to say I like like him...like I'm 12 or something. I actually saw him this past weekend and I think he likes me too. Does he like like me? I think it might be possible.

So what's the drama? I can hear all of you asking it or maybe those are just the voices inside my head. I'm going to believe it's all of you because otherwise it means I'm insane. The drama is that we live about 2.5 hours apart, he's still getting over someone and well, life is transitioning for him. Still don't see the problem? No, neither do I. So, why am I writing this? I honestly don't know. I just needed to write.

Perhaps I needed to put it in black and white (or I think this goes to white on brown. I've had this blog for years and I'm still not sure. Geez!) that I like this guy. I had mentally shot him down when he first hit on me because one of the guy problems I was having was with one of his close friends. I needed to move past that so I could see this guy just for him.

Well, I guess that solves that problem. Yes, I really do like this guy. Yes, I really want to spend a lot more time with him. Yes, it sucks entirely that I live this far away and so me going down there always has to be all drama. Did I mention that I want to spend some more time with him? Yes. Is there much more I can say on this subject? No, so I guess this is the end of this.


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