Sunday, January 19, 2014

# bipolar disorder # canada

Life Changing Moments

I don't write much here anymore. Sure, I try to keep it filled with book reviews and if I'm honest, most of the time, I miss writing. Writing is a part of my soul, but it's been a part that I've had to put on the back burner while I dealt with other things. Then, something happened...and it opened my eyes just a little bit wider..

You see, I just returned from spending a week in Canada with one of the most amazing people that I know. I know that I've mentioned him here before. His name is Rob and we've been friends for something like seven years now.  Sometimes it feels like I've known him a blink of an eye and others for a lifetime. He's just one of those people who came into my life and it was as if there was a perfect Rob shaped space that he slid right into. In all that's happened, there has been a comfort knowing that whatever happens, he's in my life for good. I can't imagine us not knowing each other.

Now, before I gush on too much and make y'all think that I'm in love with the man or that we've secretly snuck off to the Canadian version of Vegas (is there such a thing?), let me just say that he really is one of my best friends and if I take sneaky pictures of his backside, that's my business. *grins* Seriously though. Rob is amazing. For starters, he has lost an entire person over the course of the past year or so. I cannot begin to tell you how proud of him I am. He looks seriously amazing and I can tell just how much it's helped his health and has bled into so many other areas of his life.  If that wasn't enough, he's also really taking control of his life and starting to live it for him and his children and nobody else. I've long said (and yes, said it to myself, as well) that you have to live for you before you can add in anyone else. Like me, he had that a bit reversed for a while. It's exciting to watch as he rediscovers aspects of himself.

Folks, that's just what I got to spend a week doing. I got to watch as he puttered around his new apartment, making it just how he wants it. He asked my opinion of where he had things stored and I couldn't help but smile as I told him that it was his place. It only had to work for him. I'd find things if I needed them. I got to listen as he talked about his struggles and yes, preened a bit over his accomplishments. It reminded me of how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. It inspired me. He inspired me.

So, here I am...back at the keyboard because I wanted to put all of this down into words. I'm not sure that I'm really doing it proper justice..just how much that time meant to me...but my heart knows and for once, my head is right on board with it. Every time a negative thought peeks its head in, I'm reminded of how he told me to take away the memories of a good weekend together..I remember and I smile. I'm also taking the inspiration and I'm using it. They may be tiny little things to the "average" person, but to me, they're steps in the right direction...

Since I've been home, I've:

  • not left things sitting in the van to be dealt with later.
  • stopped drinking most anything other than water.
  • hauled out more bags of trash than I'm going to admit to here.
  • gotten my new nightstands into place and organized them.
  • flipped my mattress and put clean bedding on it.
These are only small steps, but I was reminded that small steps add up to big changes. I was inspired in a couple of other ways too, but I'm keeping those to myself for now. They're going to take some guts on my part and if I can pull them off, I'd like them to be a surprise. Honestly, I'm more than a little scared to try but as we learned over the course of the week, fear keeps you frozen. 

Rob, like so many brilliant people, isn't always the greatest with words. I can't say that he really vocally encouraged me, other than saying that he's learned that if he can do it, any one can do it. He never made it about my personal journey, just showed me his own. I was reminded this past week that actions really do speak louder than words and his actions nearly screamed c'mon, you can do this too. 


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1 comment:

Petula said...

This is a lovely and engaging post. The best part is when you wrote, "small steps add up to big changes." I will always remember that especially since I've been feeling like getting a bunch of little, inconsequential stuff done isn't worth it. Yes, you're right, it is!

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