Friday, March 13, 2015

# bipolar 2 # bipolar disorder

Leaving a Legacy

Yesterday, I wrote about my friend dying on Tuesday. Sadly, he wasn't the only person who died that day. The internet was filled with people mourning the death of author Terry Pratchett. I know numerous authors who write touching tributes, including how it was his fearless writing inspired so many others.

That got me to seriously thinking (a 30 minute drive all by yourself is great for that!). My friend is gone. Mr. Pratchett is gone. What legacies did they leave behind? What legacy do I want to leave behind?

If you talk to me on any sort of regular basis, you've heard me say that I don't want my boys to remember me for having hoarding problems or any other number of negative things. I've never really stopped to consider what positive things I want to leave behind for today, I'm going to.

I want them, and anyone who knows me, to say she wasn't afraid to do things, even when she was afraid. You see, fear is a natural response to the unknown and as someone who has found stability to be essential in her life, rocking the boat with some unknown is a big deal. I want my children to see that even when things get uncertain, I didn't give up. I kept going and was all the better for it.

Really, that's it. That's the legacy that I want to leave behind. I want people to say hey, her life was crap at a lot of points, but she not only survived, she created a life where she thrived. So, to honor both my friend who lost his battle to cancer and a prolific writer, who even when diagnosed with Alzheimers, never gave up, I'm going to do more things afraid.

I know that it won't always be easy. Depression will try to slow me down and at times will slow me down. Life will get in the way. The universe will throw an amazing amount of crap at me (like this past week, for example). That's the way things work.

I'm going to be honest...and this may be a bipolar upswing talking...but as sad as I am, I'm also happy. I'm happy that I get the chance to seriously dive into life. I still have life left to live. I have the ability to sit down and write and create. I have the ability to record my stories (which has been a request). I've been sitting on my butt and making buttprints in the sands of time. It's time that I make keystrokes and roads and love and all of the good things.

What are you going to leave as your legacy?

As part of my doing it afraid, I've decided to seriously dedicate myself to my writing. It's time that I stop fearing what may happen if I try to publish and just do it. Unfortunately, my laptop has literally started melting and it badly needs to be replaced. Yep, sometimes the universe just throws things at you. Instead of sitting here and using it as an excuse to not write, I'm asking for your help. I've setup a GoFundMe and the funds collected will go towards buying a new laptop and getting some much needed repairs to our only vehicle. If you're interested in donating, please check  out the link below.

A Hand Up, Not a Handout


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