I'm going to say this here because it's a safe place to say it. Yes, some people might get upset that I put it out there, but it needs to be said. Sometimes it is hard to be a mom. It is even harder to be a single mom whose children live primarily with their father. There. I said it.
My ex-husband is divorcing his wife of 9 months. I'm not going to get into the reasons behind the divorce other than to say that the reasoning alone stresses me out and takes me back to some of the reasons behind our divorce, nearly 5 years ago. However, that is between them and doesn't really concern me. What does concern me is our children and how all of this is going to affect them.
You see, their stepmom is moving out of the house and going back to New York. No surprise there, right? The boys don't know yet. Surprise. She's leaving in less than 10 days. They haven't told the boys. I don't know when they intend on telling the boys. This has me just sick. Literally, sick. Those two boys adore that woman. She has been a big part of their lives for nearly 2 years and now she's leaving and they haven't told them. They haven't given them a single hint that something is wrong or that she's leaving.
The worst part? I can't protect them from this. I can't protect them from the pain that is going to come when she leaves. Will they understand that it wasn't their fault? That it had nothing to do with them? I don't know. Will they understand that she loves them and doesn't want to go? I don't know. What I do know is that I can't stop their hurting. I can't fix this. It isn't a scraped knee or a bumped elbow. I can't put a bandaid and a kiss on it and make it better.
I want to hold them close and tell that it will all be ok. I want to, as my grandmother would say, wrap their little hearts in bubble wrap so that things like this didn't have to hurt them. I know that parts of growing up hurt but this feels so unnecessary. They shouldn't have to experience this. I don't want them growing up thinking that this sort of thing is normal or right or how it always happens. How do I counteract this? How do I teach them that relationships can last? How do I be the best parent I can be when I only see them for 2 days out of every 14?
How do I explain to Ben's doctors why I don't know what's going on with him? Or why exercises aren't being done or braces aren't being worn? They always look at me first. I'm the mom. The mom should know the answers to these questions. The mom should be able to protect her babies and to take care of them. Sometimes, it's hard being a mom.
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6 comments:
((HUG)) sending you a million gabillion hugs. I wish there was something to say. It is REALLY hard being a mom. Because you can't control everything - and it seems like with you, you can't control anything. Praying you get some answers soon... and your boys are okay!
You are brave to be so honest, Katie. Thinking of you and your boys during this difficult time! <3 <3 <3
First big hugs to you and your sweet boys.
You know what makes you a good Mom? That you can say it's hard to be a Mom. You know sometimes it sucks to be a Mom too. That's ok too. We are allowed to feel that. In the end we become great Mom's because of it.
I know some people wil say to you that you can't protect them forever. You say Thank you, I know. The pain is still there. I won't tell you that you can't protect them forever. My DS is in college & I am still protective of him. Like getting out at around 9p.m. at night in the largest blizzard to ever hit my State. All for the reason I didn't want him standing outside waiting for the bus so he could go to work. What if he got ran over by the bus or something? In the end DH & I couldn't get out of the house and got the car stuck in the driveway. My son didn't get run over by a bus.
Why I shared that story with you because we always worry and we always hurt for our babies.
I am sorry about your ex and his wife. In posts you have shared in the past she seemed to love them very much. Maybe this is her way to evade the pain for her and them. It's just a sucky situation all around.
Your going to do great with them while they get through this. You are going to get through this too. Take time for the pain to hit you also.
Your a great Mom. Don't ever forget it.
Wow, IMO the boys should be told now. Because if they thought you needed to know already, then what you feel about when the boys should know is definitely relevant. Probably would be best if you are there as well when they are told. I dunno what sort of a sticky situation that might bring about overall though. Another suggestion would be, allowing them to have the option if they wanted to keep in touch with her. If she was good to them for the last two years, she'll still be good for them to know whether she's legally related to them anymore or not. And it being their option gives them some control over the situation, when the situation is mostly outside of their control.
Thinking of you and your boys! Hang in there. You are doing everything you can...
One analogy I have used with kids before when things are not going right is a sandcastle. Sometimes the waves come and wash it away and there is nothing we can do about it, except to rebuild it together...
HUGS!
(((HUGS))) my heart goes out to you. You can tell you are a good mom.
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